Searching

It’s something we devote our entire lives too, finding that someone. However, many of us seem to find them at a very young age. Maybe they are the love of our life, but maybe it’s because they’re simply convenient, maybe we’re too scared to continue our search.

I’ve gone through periods of time in which I will get a little too boy crazy, or experience sporadic stages of horniness that can last weeks. During these times I would swipe through tinder like a mad man on adderall in search of someone that could fulfill my sexual/romantic desires, but nothing ever came of it. Whenever I was actively searching for someone to fill my shallow void, I never found a soul, but as soon as I stopped caring, as if like magic, boys would be filling up my DM’s or flirt with me at grocery stores, but by then I was no longer interested.

I inevitably deleted my tinder account because nothing good ever came of it besides a night of mediocre sex and “you up” texts after a few weeks of no contact. Tinder, in my opinion, is not a healthy social platform. It’s quite possible that from my unhealthy attitude I was receiving the same negative energy back from the universe.

There are several people I know that have spent, or are currently spending most of their mature life with someone else. But I ask myself, why are so many people searching for someone to stick with when their life has barely begun?

Many can’t find the strength within themselves to love who they are and need someone else to do the work for them.  Some lack the patience to figure life out on their own, so being with someone is simply convenient. Let them tell you you’re good enough, let them teach you to love yourself, so much so you believe it, but can you believe it on your own? Would you be just as fine believing in yourself if they weren’t around? Having someone to fall back on, who is always on your side is easy. But you’re not learning, so what are you really getting out of it?

There is also the part about fear, when we do find someone we mesh with we dive right in, and stick around even when that once roaring fire fizzles out. It’s fear that keeps people together that don’t belong together, the fear that if they don’t act now they will never find anyone else. Finding/being with someone should be at the very bottom of anyone’s list of things to do.  This is a time of self-discovery and learning, not simple romance that will more likely end in angry break-ups or divorce (statistics don’t lie).

You can lose yourself in someone else. When one has deep feelings for another person, they will go lengths to alter their own personality in order to appeal more to the person they like. After playing the role of someone else, they can lose track of themselves. I’ve seen this happen, I’ve done it myself. But if someone doesn’t like me for who I am, why waste my time with them when I could focus on being a better me?

Perhaps I desired someone soo badly because I didn’t love myself enough, or needed someone to make up for the love that my soul wasn’t receiving. But focusing on me, what I want, how I feel has taught me that the energy we expel, positive or negative, is contagious; if you like who you are, people will like you too.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to be with someone at this unripe age, what I am saying is; you’re not going to find yourself when you are focused on finding someone else. The right one will find you.

By Camille Bliss